Month 5 Update

5 months . . . I actually am not totally sure what to write today. 5 months ago I hit a patch of ice while driving and crashed into another car that had slid on the ice before me. At that moment it seemed we were ok . . Grace was fine and I seemed fine. The people in the other car were fine so the only issue was the hassle of a damaged car. Well . . that is what I thought at that time. Never in a million years did I think that 5 months down the road this would all still be an issue. Y'all, concussions are simply not a joke. The athletes getting multiple concussions and being put back in the game . .. this is just ridiculous and needs to stop. It took a couple of days before we really started to see the issues and a couple of weeks to be assessed by the amazing practitioners in my town to truly understand what was going on and the fact that time, tons of rest, and a multitude of therapies would be my full time job for the foreseeable future.

Fast forward to today...I have come a long way and have a very long way to go. I am thankful that I feel good most days. I am thankful that I am able to get outside and walk fast for exercise for 45 minutes a day. I am thankful that some days I can write my blog for a few minutes. I am thankful that I can cook simple meals as long as I don't have to chop or use a recipe. I am thankful I can spend a couple of hours at a time with people. I am thankful I can go to church with a hat, sunglasses and earplugs some Sundays. I am thankful that some days I can go to the store and make it through a short list without completely shutting down.

Then some times I realize that we live in a world that requires so much processing and I just cannot do that currently. That is when I know how long the road ahead is. I am willing to put in the work. I am willing to do the therapies. Most of the time I have a pretty good attitude about where I am and where I am going. Then some days I am human and I have a pity party. Generally the pity party days come when my eyes have been particularly wonky and painful and my brain is on fire. When simply getting up in the morning is hard and each activity of the day is challenging. I know that right now I am probably making a bad choice . . . between vision therapy this morning followed by the grocery store and a walk, being on the computer is not my best move . . and I can tell. So this post may be written over the course of a couple of days and that is ok.

What I really want is for people to be aware. I really want people to understand concussions as well as other silent battles being fought by many. Whether it is chronic illness, mental illness, etc ... these battles are unseen and lonely. I can share the concussion side. And my concussion story is vastly different than somebody else's concussion story. For me, since my visual processing is so affected, I am totally shut down in most of life. I still listen to audiobooks primarily. I learned this weekend that I am not ready for mini golf. Way too much to think about, process and look at. Seriously .. . mini golf? Thankfully I do ok walking but realizing that riding a bike will be a ways off. The balance, processing of data, etc at a faster speed is not something I am ready to do. So, time for more patience.

I have tried to figure out how to explain what I feel like. Right now I can tell you that I feel pressure in my head, a headache and my whole body is going a bit numb. Actually speaking words is hard and my mind is struggling to think. This is from looking at the screen... Somebody else described each day as feeling like you have a migraine without the pain (though plenty of days it is a full blown migraine). Our brains are so incredible and they really let you know when they are not happy!

Each day is a new adventure. I am so thankful to have my family together for the summer. My boys are such amazing people and I am blessed to get time with them. Many people going through silent battles are doing it alone and I am incredibly blessed to have the 4 other people in my house supporting me. God has shown up in big ways during this process. During this time I get to continue to learn to rely on others for so many things.

Anyway . .. the basic update is I am on a journey to wellness and only God knows what that journey will look like. My prayer is to be able to tolerate screens, to be able to drive, and to get back to "normal" life without my brain shutting down. For now, I enjoy the time when I feel a bit normal and can spend time with my family. For each of you fighting a silent battle, I see you and I support you. God loves you and is there for you every minute of everyday. No matter what your struggle, you are not alone. We all need to remember that everyone has a story. My prayer is that we can support each other on each of our journeys. Cheers to a beautiful day and reaching out to somebody on your heart!