What's you WHY?

You guys, I am a total nerd when it comes to organizing, journals, budgeting, etc. I probably need a 12 steps program for my budgeting addiction but I digress. I have always loved a good journal or notebook and a fabulous gel pen. Turn me on to a cool new journal and you have my heart (well maybe not that extreme but you catch my drift). Love me a new journal. Last week Rachel Hollis posted about a super cool new journal she found from Semikolon with 3 sections that are perfect for what I am working on. I ordered one and it came over the weekend.

You know that new journal/notebook . . .what will you write on the first page, what important info is going there (yes, I am a total geek). In the process of pondering, which I am blessed with the time to do currently, I took a step back. When I am further along in my healing and am able to take off on my new career path, what are the things I will start tackling? It occurred to me last night that a clear WHY is important. When people ask how to stay focused in health, fitness, parenting, budgeting, etc, I always say you must know your WHY. When you have a clear WHY to go back to, you can climb any mountain. Of course, I think about my WHY but it occurred to me it is time to write it down and that is the perfect thing for the first page of a clean and new journal. 

It may seem obvious what your WHY is but have you stopped to write it down. Have you really thought about your WHY in whatever you are focused on? It is easy to get started with a new fitness program or a new financial plan but after awhile it gets tough or boring. In those times, how do you stay on track? What keeps you from giving up? Or, when people discourage you, what keeps you focused? I am just as guilty as the next person when it comes to staying focused. It is so easy to get derailed when you are not clear on your WHY. Writing down your WHY and your goal can be scary. It is a commitment and it holds accountability. But, it also makes you much more likely to accomplish it! 

I know that for me it is really easy to start doing something when it is new and exciting then taper off as it gets monotonous or I listen to somebody "encourage" me to go a different direction. I forget WHY I started in the first place and forget my purpose. I can have a whole list of dreams and calls from God but without my WHY, I will not get very far. My WHY could very well be that God called me to this. I need to see that in writing so I am reminded daily. Brad's WHY for his job could be that he wants to financially support our family so we can pay our bills and live and give like God calls us.  Your WHY may be totally different. 

I am passionate about helping others be the best versions of themselves. I am also very clear on the phrase "the cobblers kids don't have shoes" and so I am very determined that my family does not get lost in the shuffle. There is no point in helping everyone else and giving my family the shaft. When my WHY is written in front of me, I will always see that my family is one of my biggest WHYs. One of the greatest things God called me to in life was being a mom. No matter what I do in my future, I 100% believe that my greatest and most important call has been being a mom. My WHY in those tough parenting moments when I was exhausted with 2 toddlers and had no clue if we were doing the right thing was that God called me to such a time as that. My WHY was that I wanted to raise incredible humans who would grow up to be people who bless others and follow their passions. My WHY when my heart was breaking because their hearts were sad has been to help them know that hard things help us grow so I will walk with you instead of fix this for you. My WHY has been knowing that every ounce of work, sleepless nights, hard conversations, grey hairs (I am so thankful for hair coloring), and headaches all have come with the joy of seeing 3 incredible humans grow and learn and become what God created them to be. Knowing my WHY as a mom has been crucial for each and every moment. 

God has put some big dreams on my heart to pursue when I have healed. I know that the only way I will accomplish them is by knowing my WHY and letting God drive the bus along the way. And you know what? My WHY and your WHY may evolve over time. It may morph into something different or something more. WHY am I setting the goals I have in front of me? Sometimes figuring out your WHY will help you to discover places that need some work. When I want to lose 10 pounds and I determine my WHY, I can easily discover that my reason is not really a WHY, rather an insecurity. I also can own the fact that I, me personally, feel better in my body when my muffin top is nowhere to be found! When it comes down to it, I need a deeper WHY to really drive me. Fitting into those jeans in my closet is motivating and I really want to get there but it is not a great enough, deep enough WHY to keep me motivated for long. 

Our WHY must be deep in our heart and soul. Too many external factors can affect how my jeans fit . . .car accident keeps me from working out so jeans fit very different than 5 months ago. A deep seeded WHY like providing for my family can still be my WHY today. One of the many reasons I am working hard at healing my brain is because my WHY is clear . ..my family. I do everything I do to support my family emotionally, physically, spiritually and financially. That support may look different over the past few months but it still exists. My WHY is still the same regardless of circumstances. My goal may be to fit into my jeans by "X" date. My WHY is really that I am healthy and fit so I can show up and do the work I am called to do!

What is your WHY? WHY do you get up and show up everyday? I would love to know! Personally I have a list of WHYs and it is time I write them down! How about you?

It's ok to be uncomfortable . . .

Sending 2 kids to college in 2 years will have you thinking about life, parenting and everything that goes along with that. You know . . .small topics! Ha! One of the many gifts I have been given in the past year is the gift of a boss that encouraged failure. Of course the goal was not to fail over and over again but rather have the freedom to try new things, learn and grow! This was such an incredible blessing and a very rare one in the work world. I had spent so many years feeling like I was expected to be perfect in everything (this is a very slippery slope as we all know!). This belief ends in constant failure since we are simply not perfect!

As a mom it is so easy to find a good chunk of our identity in our kids successes and failures. I am as guilty as the next mom. I was successful as a mom when my kiddo did X, Y, and Z. Yay me! In the process of "letting go" these past 2 years, I have thought about this a lot. 

During my time of rest I have listened to some sermons (Francis Chan is simply awesome) and was struck/convicted but a particular sermon. He spoke about how often we pray for life to be easy, for everyone to stay safe, and for no challenges. When you stop and really look at life, how often have you learned a new skill, grow in an area, changed for the better while life is easy, safe and without challenge? I mean seriously . . .when?

As parents we SOOOOO badly want our kids to be safe, healthy, have it easy, etc. We pray for our boys to be safe at college and our daughter to be safe at school. We also like to step in and "help" make things easier when the going gets tough. 

Adults have created a world of entitled young people. A world full of participation trophies and truly spoiled brats. Don't get me wrong, there are MANY amazing young people as well. I constantly hear people baffled that there is such an entitled generation. Really when you stop and think about it, why are we so baffled. We have created a world where we do not want our precious babies to struggle or be sad so we do everything we can to protect them. As a result, we have a generation that simply does not know how to cope with challenges and it is our fault!

What message are we sending when we swoop in and "fix" everything? I can only imagine how lousy those kids feel whose parents have paid off colleges for them to be admitted (if they do not feel lousy then we have even bigger issues!). I am pretty sure that the message sent was "I don't believe you can do it so I am going to do it for you". I certainly do not ever want my kids to feel like that is the message I am sending them (though I know I have been guilty of this). 

I have been working to change the way I talk with my kids. It was finals week last week for my boys and my middle guy finished his freshman year. This is such a huge year for so many things. So much change and transition and "adulting". He also took a really tough spring term. I could have given him all the advice but I did 2 things instead . . . first, I stopped projecting my own experiences and issues on him and second, I let him do it his way. You know what, some of it worked great and some of it did not goes as well. When we would talk about a test that did not go as well as hoped, instead of being worried and feeling upset, I looked at the learning opportunity for us both. We talked about what he learned from the experience, how he will want to approach tough classes next year, etc. I gave him permission to cut himself some slack and to understand that he is not perfect! AND I continued to tell him what an incredible human he is. His worth is not in physics. He is an amazing human who I am so blessed to be the mom of. 

For me, I have had to give up the false sense of control. Y'all we might think we are controlling things but we just are not. I believe that by letting my kids grow through challenges, they will learn so much (this is so hard). My prayer has changed. I definitely pray for my kids to be safe and I pray that they will have challenges that they can handle. I pray that they grow to be adults who can weather the storms of life because there are always storms.

It is my hope that parents start t be ok with their kids being uncomfortable. It's time to walk through life with them instead of carrying them. I challenge each of us to focus on sending messages that show we believe in them and it is ok for them to not be perfect. More importantly, as parents we need to be ok with being uncomfortable and model that for our kids. 

Time flies!

Wow! It has been just over 4 years since I last posted and those 4 years have been some of the most pivotal in my life. When I started Journey to Wellness, it was with the intention of focusing in fitness and nutrition. Little did I know that my Journey to Wellness would continue and that it would add so many different dimensions. Though I am still incredibly passionate about health and fitness, I have a broader focus currently.

For those who do not know (or want a quick ... not so quick catch up), we have had a really life changing couple of years. 2 1/2 years ago God tapped me on the shoulder when Financial Peace University was being offered at our church. There was no doubt in my mind that Brad and I would be taking that. We had a pretty decent handle on our money but it could definitely use a clearer budget and more structure. Brad had just started a great job locally and the timing seemed awesome .. minus the craziness of a 6th grader, Junior and Senior in high school as well as both of us working. We actually loved the class, dove into the teaching and really changed our thoughts on finances. I am a total nerd when it comes to budgeting and love the structure of the baby steps. For those who are confused . . .I am happy to explain more. At this point we hunkered down, had an awesome budget and attacked Baby Step 3 (3-6 month emergency fund). Life felt pretty good. We had an incredible opportunity for the 5 of us to go on a 2 week vacation to the east coast . . .completely cash flowed. Felt so good to come home without the burden of owing for a vacation! In August, the kids and I were blessed to go with our church to Mexico on a mission trip. Also, in August we completed Baby Step 3 and were ready to move on to the next steps. While on this mission trip, Brad called and that "great" job was no more. We actually were both incredibly thankful that the kids and I were on this trip. Brad and I each had a week to process. When I got home, we were able to sit down and in 5 minutes rework our budget to the bare bones (thank you FPU). Little did we know that this 3-6 month emergency fund would end up stretching 18 months. I will get more into this 18 months another time. Can I tell you how incredibly hard that time was? What a challenge it was for our marriage? What a life changing growth opportunity it was? How God showed up in the most amazing ways and blessed us every step of the way? I would not change that experience for the world and I pray we never go through it again.

Brad was blessed to be "reassigned" at the end of January. February 9th I was 4 weeks into a new job and Brad 2 weeks into his. Grace and I were headed home from running errands on a storming day when we hit a patch of ice and slammed sideways into another car that had slid off the road right before us. Thankfully Grace was fine! As we discovered over the course of days and weeks, I was (and still am) not. Many of you have travelled on the journey with us as I work to heal and recover from a concussion and whiplash. What a most humbling experience to have everything you were able do taken away. Note, this is the first time I have tolerated a computer screen for any length of time in 4 months. For those who know me, know that I am a go getter. What do you do when all the things . .. . exercise, time with people, cooking, reading, work, church, etc are stripped away? You rest. You rest in the knowledge that God is in control and that He has me here for a reason. You have pity parties some days (not my best moments but it is truth). You start to accept the Journey to Wellness and give yourself grace. And, you listen. You listen to what God is telling you. For the longest time He was clear in his message of rest. Though He still is telling me to listen to my body and rest, He has also dumped some incredible dreams and goals in my space.

Yes, this update could be taken as pretty depressing but it's not. Yes, it has been HARD. So so so incredibly hard. Brad and I have gone from moments of truly not knowing how we could possibly stay married (except we do not believe divorce is an option) to our marriage being better than it ever has been. We are seeing God bless us in all areas of our lives/family.

You guys, this recovery really stinks. I am not going to pretend it doesn't. It is only the past 10 days that I have felt pretty decent and able to go for 45 minute walks without triggering a bunch of concussion symptoms. Part of my therapy involves electric stimulation on my tongue and face. This hurts! Most of my therapies involve the most basic of tasks like focusing on an object. When your eyes are not functioning together, this gets really tricky! Have you ever thought about how big our world is? Simply standing in my yard takes a lot for my brain to process. So, we move slow and eventually everything should start to play nice together again. In the meantime, lots of rest! And, in the midst of my very simple existence are so many blessings. I certainly could have been hurt worse. We have the most amazing practitioners in this town to treat me. Brad has a job and is working from home so is able to be super dad, super mom, super employee, etc! I get tons of time with Grace (she might not see this as a blessing but I do!). I will get to spend a ton of time with my family this summer. We have learned to accept help. I have had the gift of time to really stop, hear, regain perspective, and start to see my true purpose.

So, until I can spend hours writing my book, my blog will get to serve as my chance to share what I have learned, the epiphanies I have had, the reflections on life, etc. I share because I know how much it helps me to hear people be real and to know I am not alone on this earth in the good times and challenges. Not sure that any of us will ever "arrive" at wellness but the journey is really the story anyway.